A Shadow of the Past...

The earth is so blue, there are butterflies too,
Life's like a dream, the best bowl of ice cream,
I see the light at the end of the tunnel, running askew my thoughts in a funnel,
I enjoy the blur, When good things happen...

Its December in May, even at night there's hay,
Roses are red and violets are blue, I just can't think straight what can I do?
A never ending dream sequence, Never ending its true,
Wake up! Wake up! I scream, When good things happen...

The shadows are close enough to smell them, the light in the tunnel is so strong that its blinding
I ask for more time and I know I have none, I ask for a reason and still there are none,
I have been good, been patient, don't I deserve this for longer?
My soul is exposed, the barrier is breached as, the scent of the shadows is all to familiar,
When good things happen… It’s scary.

A NOTE ON TEXT and AUTHOR

Firstly, my salaams to the world of bloggers. I am not a blogger at all. Have not read many, and until some time ago, saw no point in the whole process. After all it's an open diary, a foray into my thoughts which were once guarded as 'confidential' NASA files, or like the formula to make Coca Cola. But (I have never liked starting my sentences with prepositions. BUT I think it’s accepted worldwide and there's no point in being indifferent to change. But I’ll try my best not to use them. Didn't i just... oh never mind, lets not try that hard) (moving on from two sentences above) off late i have been meaning to open up. Give the world an insight into yet another mind. So, what will i be talking about? What would be so unique about my blogs that would make you want to read 'em? Will it be rocket science....?

Naah... For starters I’ve named my blog page 'Aye-Mote' (to my firang readers this merely means "oi fat guy/man/boy"). After 22 years of being called that behind my back/on my face, i think it was time i just lived with it. I am Aye Mote. But i am not going to treat it like my own. Aye Mote will be a series of fortunes and misfortunes of FAT-MAN!!! Yes, he's a character and the protagonist of this blog. I also notice that most of you are disappointed already, i know what you're thinking, "He could have chosen to write anything, Big-Man, She-Man, Hanu-Man but no... He chooses to write about Fat-Man. Damn him!” My apologies to the people who are looking for spiritual enlightenment here but...

So before I begin, some quick F.A.Q’s about Fat-Man,
Q1: So, Who is Fat-Man? (Dhan-ta-daan, tanaa tana tana dhadaaan dum dum dum!!)
A: Fat-Man is a 22 year old Content Writer doing a very exciting desk job. He is bold, valiant, funny (see didn’t you laugh after reading that…) smart, high headed, high on energy and passion and has zest for life. Most importantly he’s a man of few words (haven’t you noticed that already…) He is basically all the adjectives that are not meant for stereotypical fat men (you have seen enough movies to know fat people can only be slapstick funny and sidekicks, wearing the worst of clothes to accentuate their curves).
Of course he’s not delusional… Paah! You infidels.
Okay, so he’s fat, he’s just a tad bit defensive, has innate ability to screw things up for himself (like royally) and has never had a girl friend (I do not want comments of 'that’s not the only purpose in life' 'cheer up'. NO Thank You.) But he’s dealing with it, learning and becoming a more socially acceptable ‘robot’. He can be a pain in the prosteriors, and as a very good friend once remarked he’s ‘annoyingly cute’.

Q2. So, he’s a stud, he’s smart and everything you said above, then why has he never had a girl friend?
A. Don’t rub it in.

Q3. So, what is this fat man going to do here?
A. He may fart occasionally (yes the stereotype) but he’s going to tell you about the travails and triumphs of a story not many people write, show or care to know about. He often complains he's not taken seriously and he now plans to take us all on a mind numbing spiritual journey. His pseudo intellect comes after spending years in solace, trying to master the secret and ancient form of Chinese astrology called Feng Shui (Pr. Fung-Shway or Fung-shwee), a name that should not be spoken after dark, and in front of infants.

Q4. If no one cared enough, why would they now?
A. Dude! Just read further, smarty pants.

Q5. Okay finally, are the blogs going to be this long? How often are you updating it? Can I have your autograph?
A. Aarrrggh! Couldn’t you have just made it question six to nine? Scum. Anyway, (question 1)Since I am a man of few words, I will always try to keep it crisp and to the point. I’ll try my hand at long blogs on popular demands. (question 2) I may also not update my blogs very so often as as stereotype also suggests, fat men are extremely lazy, and las but no the least,
(stupid question)…And… What the....???

Anyway, here’s where I end it. I hope you enjoy your journey with me. The best way to enjoy my blogs would be to shove your judgemental selves up your respectable Fannies. Since blogging is about sharing one's thuoghts it might appear that i am venting or bitching but believe me, those are exactly the intentions. So, before we lose the train of thought, lets regroup For I have a lot to say and Fat Man’s all set to get medieval on you lovely fellows. Sayonara!

A Fat- Man's tale...

CAUTION: SERRIOUSLY LONG BLOG! Read at your own risk.

Firstly, heart felt 'Thank Yous' too all you lovely people who dropped in and left me a note. I had not expected such an overwhelming response to random gibbers. Anyway, since most of you synonymously found it interesting, I will try updating this more often than not. And I'll reply to all of you individually... (not).
I also know i am getting some really scathing comments after this post (i.e. if someone survives the sheer length of it, but just like most of your expected complaints, I too will have to agree, it was just too short. Amen!)

PROLOGUE

Concerning Fat Men...

Fat men were a luxury created to symbolise hierarchy in monarchical ages. Great kings in the vast lands of the Indus showed-off their well fed tummies against rulers of other territories and earned respect. The more the fat men in a kingdom, the more happy and well fed its people. The kings used to often set out in disguise as common fat men to see if the peasant class had anyone fatter than him (which was a clear sign of not paying taxes, resulting in the immediate execution of the accused. Without trial.)

All was fair and happy in what we often call 'our ancestoral lands'. Until one day, an intruder, the might of which the Fat dynasty could not withstand, knocked on the gates of our eternal doom. Alaxander the Great, had found us.

Contrary to the popular belief (the following information all fact and has been cross verified by GOD - Abbr.This is my blog and i can say anything i want even if it doesn't start with G. Or end with D) the real reason Alexander set out to conquer the world was not because of the itch in his bum that popularly brought him superpowers but it was because 'our land' was bringing distant rumours to his.

The rumours were about dominating empires with Fat rulers. The descriptions of 'our kind' brought shivers down the spine of common Macedonian men. Tall and hefty, each more powerful than ten horses, potent enough to crush jungles on the march and the ability to destroy civilizations in a single attack with half their armies (We had lovely PR guys). When such terrifying details reached the ears of the great king, he was concerned. Soon, a silent revolt was on the upsurge within the empire. People suspected the king would not be potent enough to rule and defend the empire for long. An air of uneasiness settled over the kingdom. And thus began the journey of Alexander the Great (not the itch in his bum).
He also wanted to know, how these kingdoms managed to feed people such huge. Surely there were riches and 'eves' to explore. Men to be enslaved. And the rest they say, is history. As the armies started venturing into the east, it turned out to be all too easy for them. Until they reached the mysterious lands of Porus. Where it all came to an abrupt halt.

Another fact which has often been twisted and straighted to support all the 'hail-ings' Mr. Alexander has received, is the truth behind him returning from the borders of India. No, it was not because Porus uttered the famous "Treat me, O Alexander, like a king" liner, but because Porus simply said "Dude! No point going further. Here, even the women look like me."

Our time was up, but this does not take away the days when we were considered fashionable and lucrative. Women often found us 'novelty' items and took us home for 'multi-purposes' (Look Sabbah I pun too).

Why the above has any relevance to what I am about to say shall always remain a mystery to you. However, that is the way it was then and I shall want all of you to remember this. Always. For whenever I mention *Prologue in this blog again, that paragraph should bing into your heads that second especially the 'took us home for multipuposes' and the 'Alaxander is a bitch' (oh i didn't mention that before, did I?) part because these things are actual occournings and they really happened back then. I swear on you and cross my heart. Now. urm (coughs)... Read on.

Concerning Religion...

"Dukh mein sumiran sab kare, sukh main karein na koi,
jo sukh mein sumiran karein, dukh kaahe ko hoye... kabeera, dukh kaahe ko hoye."

I passed most of my childhood convincing myself an atheist. That there was nothing more supreme than the will of man. Today, to a perfectly naive mind, my thoughts might echo the same sentiment, but for a boy who was never forced to pray (except for days when my dad was late and expected me to do the needful, and the arduously pointless Pooja's we've had) it has been a long journey from denial to acceptance. No, I am not religious at all. I do not believe in the Hindu representation of God nor do not believe in idol worship. I do not believe in the concept of buying a Rs.50 photo idol of 'God' and bowing my head to it. It is not a compulsive rebillion but the awareness that seeped right into me since I started to look for answers.

The most supreme feeling a man can ever experience is feeling being completely aware or Nirvana. The ultimate feeling.

Nirvana cannot be achieved, but attained.

My quest for that ultimate truth has nothing to do with my religion. In the beginning I was concerned. I wondered if I have missed a point somewhere. But it was this precise moment i also realised one basic fact. We as humans have the ability to reason, ask questions to things that could just be a simple mechanical action. We are Aware beings. Every breath I take comes with an awareness of its repercurssions if i don't. That is the difference between us and the rest of the species. It is of this I have the ability to choose the way of life i believe in. It is also the the exact reason we have religion today. When man had conflicting ideals of leading a life, he started making his own way and the like minded ones followed. Religion is man made. Made to search for answers which someone already found. And for asking questions only some were wise enough to answer. The intent was good, but the path was flawed. Soon the whole motive behind religion was lost. Religion became obsolete.

I am not against religion, but i am against the importance given to God than to self. The quest of pagans was not to find a random force of nature and worship it. They were merely acknowledging powers that were mightier than them. And it was also because they knew all these powers could be tamed, and man alone could survive if only he is self aware.

We have today forgotten why we needed a God. Why people worshipped and why we decided to choose different religions. Today religion is not about the quest that lies within, but of going to temples, making donations, humming chants or just reciting the name of the lord. We have started to believe that God does work for us. The ability of man has been devalued against commercialism in religion. How can visiting a temple mend a scar in a relationship or a revive a business from loss? When a prayer reaps the desired result, it was God who gave you the energy. We conveniently forget that it is the self awareness, the confidence to survive torrid times that took us past the difficult period.

Many also say, god humbles a human. Gives him someone to bow down against. What is hunblity why men aren't humble enough to let each other live in harmony. It is as if we are trying to cover up our already inflated egos. Today, man has the potential to eradicate life from the face of this planet in a matter of seconds. Experts believe if ever there will be another World War, it might last only 15 minutes. 15 minutes. We have inflated our egos this far.
I agree we need a grounding, humblity is important but there are ways to get there. Won't it be humble enough to know the name of the sweeper who cleans your street everyday? Won't it be humble enough if you eat something offered by your maid who prepared it with all her heart?

Humblity is felt, voluntary. A mere bow to the 'lord' does not humble a man. It makes him more confident to face mere mortals as he thinks he is riding the will of god.
Having said that, there are factors that are beyond my comprehension. Answers to which I do not have answers to as of yet. However, after years of questioning my faith in religion and god, i have started to believe that there is a force that binds us all, and by dwelling in religious divides, we are wasting too much time trying to look for what was never there, and ignoring the very basic meaning of life. Of being Self Aware.

Does this make me different than all of you? I don't think so but yes, this does make one less thing I need to worry about. You might not see me going to spiritual Gurus or temples seeking answers for the meaning of my existence.

Our job here is as well defined as our dreams.
You only lose the blur when you are aware of what you are chasing.

-Aye Mote.


Concerning 'India is my country, all Indians are my brothers and sisters.' (Are you bloody out of your retarded minds?)

I bet the man who made this phrase was either a sodomising prick or incest at levels beyond comprehension to even the most senile minds. Dude, who says that? And moreover, WHO APPROVED this retarded pledge? I should've been seven when I first recited it with my right hand outstretched; proclaiming to the world that I shall chose the path of incest-ism. I know, most of you in complete denial are going to accuse me of perversion by saying stuff like "it so does not mean that, you are just taking it the wrong way." I am perverted but not INCEST! Even to our seven year old minds, who did not know what incestous feelings meant, it was pretty clear that sisters were 'out of bounds' (like duh!). As we enlightened souls rattled our brains against this forced torture, it was as if we all know what had to be done. The solution to this was just as ludicrous as the problem. It was an unspoken pact that when the phrase 'brothers and sisters' comes about, all boys in unity would skip it. And almost as involuntarily as the former, we'd tend to look at the girl next to us who'd be completely disinterested in our valiant attempts of giving subtle hints, would continue reciting the pledge. It was as if they the phrase meant nothing at all to them or were completely happy to be 'doing' their Indian brothers 15 years from now. It was reflex, we chose not to say the phrase, look at the girls, the girls look at you, smile but continue to recite the madness. Alas! Liberated Women.

Anyway, the point here is not about some loser who made this pledge but of secularism. Yes 'All Indians are my brothers and sisters' actually did mean something else (though i still believe the line easily could have been 'All Indians are my own' but if scarring childhoods is what we all deserved, then so be it). I have always, been for secularism. To be honest, for a Hindu born it is very easy for us to hate our honourable neighbours and their entire clan as that is something that we pick up since birth just like how Abhimanu learnt how to crack the Chakravyuh in his mother's womb. Both these religions have just agreed to hate each other. Such is the superficiality of our hatred that, at one point we want peace, treat childern with heart problems from across the border, elect a President of the same clan but the minute a political party throws money, we become sworn enemies. Hungry for each others blood. At some level or the other, these political parties have really dug deep into our psyches. Muslem children are encouraged to support their Pakistani cricket 'counterparts' even if half our team is filled with people from the same clan. Hindu kids are made to believe that every riot, terrorist act, and anything that is remotely close to violence is Muslem initiated. According to us (my clan) every Muslem has made secret trips to mass summer camps where they are all taught to use swords and guns. Hmmmm... we're scared of you guys.. really.

And the problem is not just here, its everywhere. The Apartheid in the African countries, extreme racism by the Nazis during the second World War, Palestine and Israel fighting over 'holy land' that has already seen more bloodshed than one square inch of soil can handle, racism in America. It is everywhere. It's funny but we really didn't have to try too hard at hating people.

It is disgusting to know that people are ready to do charity today, donate to temples and wage pointless wars at nations but are just not willing to mutually co exist.
Humans do not value each other.

I battle with my conscience, I live to say I made a choice,
I battle with Nature, I live to say I can tame it,
I battle with ferocious animals, I live to tell I've been well fed,
I battle with myself, I live to tell you I'm a changed man,
I battle with Man, I Die.

- Aye Mote.

Cultural, religious and devides have crippled this world. A cliche that is true in its own nature. I cannot understand how it has not yet dawned upon we so called 'intellegent souls' that there may be a serious flaw in the fundamentals of co-operative living. The day is close when we won't have a choice. When all of us (at least the ones who survive) will be able to see beyond the haze. It might not happen without colossal loss, but it will nonetheless. The madness has to end. Some one has to take the baton forward to a better world.
I can only hope, it is soon. Believe in it I do, nonetheless.