The Voice of Sauron!

The morning sun showed brightly through his window. It was unusual as it had been raining incessantly from the past two days. Even the ones who loved the grey sky were clouded by the gloom. The sight of the sun was refreshing. "All set for a perfect day", he said to himself and just as he was about to rise from his bed he remembered a happening. He spent a while contemplating if it was a dream or his worst dream. It turned out to be his latter. And everything came back to him with lightening speed. It was previous night.

"Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you, is there ANYTHING that will make you happy?” "You're a horrible, horrible man", his mind said to him. He's been having this bashing from quite some time. His alter ego it seemed was giving him a real piece of its mind. The last words echoed so loud, he feared the people in the house could hear this scream. "YES you're horrible and hopeless", "You don't deserve anything... you should be isolated and thrown into a dark corner, you fat lump of flesh", the voice continued. "But I’m a good person", he said to himself. "I'm not doing this by choice. I don't know what's gotten into me. Life is perfect, I'm quitting my job, I’m moving on, I’ve good friends who're happy for me, I have a beautiful girl who cares for me and I don't....", "Oh cut the crap. Be a MAN and say it. Say that you're weak, say that you love the pain, SAY IT!!", and in his own wild thoughts he starts to sob like a six year old who's been denied his favourite cartoon show in the pretext of a happier, bedtime. He's used to this. After all that's what life has been all about, a cry from within and a smile on the outside. He smiled when the ones he loved left him, he smiled when people judged him, and he smiled when his friends used him. He's used to this. But the tears haven't stopped and neither has even one escaped his eye. It's all inside. And in between the wails, the occasional mumbles of, ".....bbut... I..i..'m... i'm a ggg...ood p.pperrsson...." is barely heard over the echoing shrieks, "You're HORRRRIBLE, HOPELESS, you don't deserve ANYTHING".

He scrambles out of bed, and gets to his morning chores. "What happened last night was a mistake... of course it was a mistake... you cannot throw away something you've waited for so long." the voice pleaded. But he knows his heart is lighter. The weight has gone of his chest.
It feels like a thousand hands pressing against his heart have all decided to take a break. He knows what this means. "NO YOU DON'T, You firkin’ lard of pig! Do you know what it is? How can you? When HAVE you ever felt so luvvved that you're concluding that it’s choking you? HOW can you decide?" “THEN WHO CAN?" he shouts back. "WHO CAN? TELL ME!" “CAN YOU?” “I wish I could", says the voice now calmer, suspecting a lost point.

"It's been 22 years", he says to himself.

He's been waiting for this feeling for eternity. And finally, an angel came by, she saw him, didn't judge him, she was there, unconditionally. Unconditionally....

"It's all coming back... unconditionally.... unconditionally... this word, I don't like it. I've done this before. I've thrown it away. I don't like it".

His grandmother flashes before his eyes. He sees the love in her eyes. “Unconditional. YES, that’s the word. They were hopeful, those eyes" he thinks, "They had all the love in the world." They had love, something no one gave him.

All eyes judged. Her eyes loved.

"I was a kid. I was not to be judged, I was to be loved." he consoled himself. And now she's no more. He's done this before. Thrown it way. "All that the woman gave was love, and you couldn't even give THAT back to her." said the voice.

"I'm a horrible man", the voice was his own.

"I'm sorry, for I know not how to give love. Unless I choose to give it to people who wont take it.", "it's always happened.” “In the pursuit of 'finding' love, i've thrown away what's come to me, Unconditionally."

"I wish I could love my grandmother, more than I did, and i hope to god, I can love the woman who loves me now, more than I do."

"Sigh..."