The last time a wrote a piece of euology, the world was a different place. I was single, people were rich, i had a job, Ramalinga Raju was known only in corporate circles, Varun Gandhi was just another 'young blood' with a bright future, Pakistan was still a country, Taliban was a distant threat, India was Oscar-less, I had not seen 2001: A Space Odessey, I was NOT in love, i was a few 100 movies behind and the biggest starkling difference was.... I had not yet trimmed my nostrils. Now, hold that thought for a while and then forget my absence.
Welcome one and welcome all, to SEASON 2 of A Fat Man's Tale.
It's been a while. I Agree.
Anyway i was reading up on 'how to vote' and i stumbled upon something hilarious... I mean, i get the whole elections are important thingy but take it easy bloke, whoever you are.
[edit]Steps
- Apprise yourself of the political happenings in your area. Identify the next elections you would want to participate in. It is always advisable to make sure that you vote in all local and assembly level elections- You'll be surpised my boy.
- Talk yourself into it. Despite the more than occasional political turmoils and mishaps in the country, convince yourself that your vote will make a difference.- I'm talking, it's just that, my mind knows better.
- Wake up late. Good thing is that there is a holiday on the day of elections so you can get up late. Take advantage of this time to visit a place of worship(if you are a theist) and pray for all candidates, country and people. This will help you clear your mind and be more judicious in your approach.- Are you fuckin' kidding me?
- Meditate for a while and dwell on all the candidates. If you have not already read their manifestos then now is the time. - Yes, it's your last chance to read between the li(n)es.
- Remember it is a secret ballot so don't discuss your vote with others, especially your neighbours. Its a time waste and may lead to unnecessary debate. Make up your mind and remember the associated symbol of the candidate.- Failing which you shall be considered a threat to national security and executed without trial.
- Register. If you don't have a voters card make sure that your name is in the voters list. You should do this at least a week before elections. Usually, people from the election commission will come to your house for verification. But if they don't turn up do make sure that you register yourself voluntarily.
- Go around afternoon to vote, this way you can beat the crowd as people usually avoid heat and come in the mornings.- You really are my friend aren't you now?
- Sign in. Once you reach the voting center, go to any of the desks set up by various political parties and ask them if your name is there. This is to double check that you are a registered voter.- Also known as a 'reality check'.
- Go inside and stand in the queue, when your turn comes state your and your father's name. That's all they will ask. They will mark you with an indelible ink on your nail. It cannot be removed with most kinds of Nail-polish removers and thinners. It is a security measure to ensure that each individual votes only once.- Even if you're not there, but thats a different story for another day.
- Look for the machine. Once inside the room, you will find a machine in the corner with an enclosure around.- Sometime's it's well hidden. Try the back pocket of the man with a gun in the corner of the room.
- Press the symbol of the candidate. If it is a manual system, which is now becoming rare, then you need to stamp the right symbol on a ballot paper and put it in a box.- or take the box home, it doesn't matter really.
- Stay there for a few seconds to make sure everything is fine and the machine is not beeping. This can happen due to an error.- if it beeps, you're again a threat to national security and you shall be executed immediately.
- Come home and relax. You have done your part. Enjoy the remaining day.- in guilt.
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